Hello said a small voice

I got home today, sat down at my beloved HP window to the world, and my gmail was open to a facebook notification from last April.

What the what?  How does my email open itself up?

Last spring I took an online writing course. It was wonderful. However I'm shy at my core (some people find that one hard to believe) and wasn't much at the participation aspect of the course.

I finally got brave and wrote a little ditty to post on the class wall and the instructor commented. And that's what email my computer met me with this afternoon.

I haven’t written in months and perhaps this was a nudge to blog?  I don’t know. But here it is.

Spirit you are so cool...

Hello said a small voice from the back.

Slowly they turned, expecting to see someone but what they saw was a golden light emanating from a spot on the ground. It grew and as the light grew so did the sound. But it wasn’t words… it was music, like a choir singing, or was it?
No one really knew. What they did know was how they felt.
Warm and joyful. Elated and content at the same time. Smiles formed on their faces as tears welled in their eyes. Held in this space for an immeasurable length of time, seemingly cradled in an energetic bubble of love.
As quickly as it started, the sound silenced and the light dimmed, and they could see her.
You came they said.
Yes said the small voice, I found you all.

I do belong. 

The Necessity of Sadness

I recently read a blog of my all-time favouritest writer ever Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess. And she is.
http://thebloggess.com/2016/05/31/sometimes-the-darkness-can-be-beautiful-but-sometimes-its-a-real-bitch-depends-i-guess/
I love her bold, brave honesty; she writes succinctly - with humour - about depression, darkness and the shadows. So many of us deal with situations, stress and emotions that qualify our participation in those categories whether we are awake to it or not.

Hi Jenny,
You don't know me ... yet  hehehe (in a good way of course)

I love you. Thank you for being so courageous and sharing your experiences which ultimately helps the masses and that, my Spiritual Warrior Sister, whether you know you are or not, is raising consciousness on this fabulous planet we live on.

Bless you.

This is a drawing by Jenny as well.
She reeks of creativity!

My own spiritual journey - amplified over the past 4 years - has led me to understand more deeply the nature of reality and this earthwalk we humans are on. A big part in how one weathers the experience is acceptance and letting go of things (people, experiences, behaviours). Two simple statements but complex at the root and takes much practice to alter the programming we've worn for as long as we can remember.

Although we can't make the darkness go away - it's a necessary component of the equation - by learning and understanding What's Really Going On (aka consciousness) it somehow it makes it just a little easier to ride out the waves, relax and enjoy the ride!

So if you want to explore What's Really Going On, The Untethered Soul is an awesome book. Only 180 pages, short chapters, easy to comprehend. Super cool concepts about this human experience.

And Jenny. Read Jenny Lawson's blog The Bloggess  (link above).
She's not about consciousness per se, just Real and damn funny.

You'll love her too.

Save the Apples

I have a fabulously abundant apple tree in my backyard. And it's old too. You can tell by the bark (no offense to those humans over 50 like me cause pretty much you can tell a human is old by their bark).
Each summer I give a couple of boxes of apples to the food bank and that makes me feel really good. I have an incredible peach tree too that I share the bounty with the neighbour who works at a seniors home. He says they like fresh fruit with their breakfast. That makes me feel really good too and I could go on about how important it is for seniors to have fresh fruit however this blog is about saving the apples.

Under the apple tree is a rock patio. I don't want to call it a gravel patio as the rock I picked out is much prettier than gravel. More ovally stones in brown and white tones... and much easier on bare feet - gravel can really hurt! Anyway as the apples ripen, they regularly fall off the tree either from the squirrels running amuk amidst the branches or the occasional blustery day. The problem is when the apples hit the ground from 20 ft up they're bruised, split and non-edible. And they're perfectly good apples or at least were. I hate to see such bounty go to waste especially when there's people who would love to be chowing down on an apple. Serve the masses healthy food I say! Let's be honest, humanity would be a lot better off if we all stopped consuming hordes of crap.

I've tried a number of gimmicks including draping netting between a few chairs to catch the apples. My son took a pic and sent it to his siblings so they could all laugh at their crazy mother. And I did save a number of apples; made navigating around my backyard treacherous though.

So I come home from work today and find my son working on his car in the driveway. We chat for a bit and my gaze is drawn to a handful of bruised apples strewn about the rocks.

Me   I have a new plan, I announce.
The boy   Better than the chairs and the netting?
Me   I know you guys laughed at me.
The boy   At least it wasn't to your face.
Me   My new plan, I pause, is to lay some foam pads on the ground so when the apples drop they won't bruise.
I remind him about feeding the homeless.
The boy   Mom, he says in his most understanding voice, I don't think our backyard would look that great with a bunch of foam pads covering the patio.
Me   It wouldn't be for long I say. Just a month or so...
The boy   I have a better idea.
And my eldest child unveils a brilliant scheme.
The boy   Move the trampoline under the tree. It has a net around it too so they won't bounce off.
Mom, we can Save the Apples.

Love that boy.

Colouring should be Fun

I've joined a Psychic Development circle with the intention to deepen my connection to spirit. There's 11 of us in total not surprisingly as 11 is THE number. I'm quite sure y'all get the reference as the whole 11:11 thing is pretty mainstream by now.

We're given homework at the first class. It's a colouring page the medium-teacher has chosen for each of us. You'd think this would be straightforward and enjoyable. Sigh, not for me.

I have attempted this mandela colouring meditation in the past year as it's gained favour across the country. Even my cousin on the east coast displayed pictures on Facebook of their family dinner where everyone had a colouring page at their place setting. My spirit peeps have been delving in this type of meditation for a couple of years now.

For me, it's like filling out a Form. I despise Forms. Some questions just irritate me and others outright send me down a path of questioning the world at large. It's like my brain starts sparking and fizzling leading to a complete shut down dependant on the length and stupidity level of the Form.

I searched for felts and pencil crayons in my daughter's room looting from pockets of stationery stashed in the madness that is a teenager's and sat down task at hand.

It didn't take long for the resistance to arise.
What colour should I use here? 
I should make a pattern. It can't repeat too much.
This is a terrible outline. It isn't even a closed circle. I'm going to have to merge colours.
I can't put purple here. It's too close to the other purple circle. 
Damn, I didn't count this out well. This looks terrible. 
I can't erase felts.
I can't start over.
This sucks.

Anything but meditative. I put it aside.

The night before class my family is over. My grandson spies the page on the chair. Out of the corner of my eye I see him pick up a crayola and starting colouring. I'm grateful. I suggest he move to the table and we spread out all the felt pens. Soon my daughter joins him and they complete the homework for me.

I take it to class the next evening. The first gal to share has noticed the differences in each of our approaches and colour schemes. As a therapist she has insight of personality traits and extensive knowledge of the chakras as a healer. I find this fascinating as she makes a quick assessment of each of our methods particularly as mine is about one third 4-year old. Things like outlining, vibrancy of tones, all give hints to who we are and where we're currently at. One of my close peeps had mostly purple in hers which makes sense as her third eye is stretching wide open these days! Another woman whose struggling with her level of empathy and needs to set some spiritual boundaries had set her intention for a balanced life and coloured her drawing very rooted - earth chakra - on the bottom half - and a myriad of colours above; an expression of allowing yet setting limits.

About 90% of the class found it a relaxing experience, one lady even disappearing for over an hour in blissful state. When it was my turn to share, I told a completely different story, a detailed diatribe relating the exercise to my hatred and frustration for Forms and how ultimately I just wasn't doing it. I 'fessed up it was actually my offspring that finished it but they could tell that.

Ruth (not her real name) gave me a detailed analysis of my psyche which I found most intriguing. She said I'm so 'out the box' that I don't like rules or anything that is trying to keep me 'in the box'. I giggled. She said you're gregarious and this is just nonsense for you. You'd rather be out there and helping people. Awww... the laughter turned to love and my eyes began to leak. I barely know this woman at all and it feels like she saw my inner light. The one that grows everyday as I nurture my soul.

The teacher-medium had a bit of a different perspective, likening my feelings to a block or I can't settle my mind or something like that but I'm sticking with the gregarious Angel...

Spiritual Warrior

I did this Facebook online game that tells your personality based on your selection (multiple-choice) of what you initially see when glancing at a multi-item picture.

My results...

You have a uniquely creative personality!

My interest is piqued.

"The main things in life for you are your intuition, wisdom, joy, satisfaction and curiosity." yep
"Your life is painted in a multitude of beautiful colours, and you're always looking at it through the prism of creativity." definitely me
"You live your life in constant anticipation of experiencing something new and wonderful." I'm likin' this
"However, at the moment you feel a lot of aggression inside. It's possible that recently you've been experiencing a lot of negative emotions and have the desire to finally resolve something that's been bugging you for a long time. You need to calm down and relax."

What the what?  I shouldn't be surprised... the Universe IS a mind reader.

Indeed many of my spiritual navigation tools (cards, number sequences, synchronicities) along with my wakeful sleep have all exposed the anger bubble brewing in my belly. Something occurred earlier this month which ignited a dormant pocket of fuel. Enough. Time for the peaceful warrior to take her stand.

Spiritually I know better than to hang onto anger as it only poisons oneself.
And wouldn't you know in a recent Reiki session an enormous anaconda energy presented itself and lay along the right side of my body - the male aspect - with its head upon my chest. I literally could feel this snake spirit resting on me and the slight movement of its breath. At the time I thought it was the Reiki master and I was thinking, okay that's a little weird but whatever, I'm safe and comfortable... The snake then coiled up over my abdomen and released eggs through my body at a cellular level to cleanse the poison. (I do live a most interesting life)

Thankfully after 20 days (and another visit from the snake, a couple of ravens and an eagle) I'm moving into Acceptance. Less stressful on the physical body. To aid my warrior stance I've participated in numerous Releasing Rituals some with chanting and burning under the full moon (fully dressed but only cause it was March). I was glad to find out that Letting Go was a process and can be practiced like Yoga - several times a week.  You show it to the door, and somehow it keeps creeping back in.  I was thinking I missed something. I put the list under the Boot in the Closet just like the psychic said and dang if HE didn't pop back into my thoughts.

Forgiveness? Not there yet. The story hasn't quite played out. The finale has yet to take place. And once I've moved through and released every heart-rendering scenario (my egoic mind's attempt to keep me in the box) I will joyfully welcome Forgiveness. I've got way too much dancing to do...

Don't let anyone walk through your mind with their dirty feet